New Ethiopian dish

We hired a really good guide while touring the churches of Lalibela. At the end of the trip he gave me his business card. It contained the usual things. But one thing I kicked myself for not trying was that he could also arrange a rather strange Ethiopian dish, but I didn't want to make an ass of myself...

Lalibela

We hired a small coach to take us to Lalibela. The coach blew two tyres, at the same time, on the way there. It was a nine hour trip on gravel and dirt roads etc. but that isn't really important.

What is important is that we got to see the magnificent rock churches of Lalibela. These are the ones where they made a church by cutting down into the rock and then cutting a door and carving out a whole church. It was pretty cool to see.

The priests that look after the church were cool. They come out with their crosses and let people take photographs while they wear sunglasses. I swear one guy even had a pair of Guccis on.

Africa - truely diverse

Ah, the wonderful diversity of wildlife in Africa. Can it ever be matched by any other continent? After my experience so far I have to say that it is doubtful.

In such remote destinations as Lalibela, a nine hour drive on mud roads, there is life in abundance and with a uniqueness unmatched anywhere I've been before.

It was in this particular place that a previously unclassified variation on the "socks and sandals" appeared out of nowhere. I laid eyes on this variation and was lucky enough to capture it on film, thus bringing this discovery to the eyes of the world.

Is Africa just lucky? I can't say. But we must let the world know that we should preserve rare species such as this for future generations. With your help we might even be able to start a breeding program.

But, enough of my speil, let's feast our eyes on the newly discovered sub-species of the "socks and sandals".... The "Camel-toe Sock and Flip-Flop"!

13th century treasures... er... in a shack

After the first monastery we didn't think anything could top it. Not so, the second monastery on the lake had an ace monk up its sleeve.

So our guide takes us around the back of the monastery, down a hill to a small concrete shack. Inside it is a monk. As our eyes adjusted we realised that the shack, locked only with a padlock on a flimsy wooden door, is a room full of old books, crowns, swords and other items. The monk proceeds to tell us that the books are 13th to 16th century texts collected by the scholarly monks over the centuries. We all look at eachother in awe and say "Dude! You just keep these in a shack?!" The monk giggles and says, "No problem". Excellent attitude, but it gets even better...

Our guide, a fifteen year old boy, picks up a sword and swings it around telling us it is the sixteenth century sword of the man who helped to rebuild the monastery, chucking it back onto the shelf after he is finished. Hah! but it gets even better...

The monk asks us if we would like to take photos of one of the fourteenth century bibles he has. We say "Yes please!" with disbelief as he pulls it out. This isn't even conceivable in Europe. But it gets even better...

He says there is not enough light for a photo. He picks up the bible, and to our utter amazement, takes it outside and places it on a stand so we can take better photos. Outside! He flicked through the pages like it was yesterday's newspaper until he had slaked our interest.

This monk was hilarious, and genuinely happy that we were so interested in his monastery. Check him out below...

Why did Jesus cross the road?

And I have to put a special entry for this particular painting found in the first monastery on Lake Tana.

Question: Why did Jesus cross the road?
Answer: Because he was riding a chicken!



What the hell is all this about ??!!?!?!

Jesus with an afro

In Ethiopia at the moment. We've travelled down through Gondar into a town called Bahir Dar; on lake Tana.

On the lake are several islands with monasteries on them. We took a boat across to a couple of these monasteries, the first one of which is famous for its beautiful Christian paintings from the 13th century.

The paintings were truely stunning and were in fantastic condition considering their age and treatment. One thing however; they were 13th century Ehtiopian Christian interepretations of the bible. A strange combination at the best of times.

The paintings were meant to teach illiterate Ethiopians the bible back in the old days like cartoons. But the focus seemed to be on the rather nasty incidents in the bible where people get hot pokers jabbed in their nether regions. Fortunately for the Ethiopians, the bible is chock full of nasty ways to die, so they painted them in all their glory. I photographed them in all their glory too, here for your amusement.









Okay, so looking at the last one above, I understand a guy is getting decapitated, but one thing that I couldn't work out - just who is the guy wearing the sperm suit near the bottom? He looks worried. I would be too if my mother sent me out in that. Don't forget this is taken from an entry in the bible. I can only assume it is something like "And lo, all those that defy thine lord with thine white suit of sperm shall be smoten!"

Apologies to any religious people out there (sorry mum!). This isn't sacrilige because I've taken it from a holy place and it is the word of the lord... according to the Ehtiopians at least.

One last comment: It was very amusing to see jesus portrayed as a guy with an afro! It beats the Italian renaissance versions any day. Jesus is now a cool dude!

Truck in the wars

We busted the housing on one of the brake actuators on the truck as a result of going through the mountains in Ethiopia. At 2800 metres high it isn't the place to lose your brakes. Fortunately we have George our fearless mechanic/driver who sorts everything out and looks after the truck. He earnt his beer that night.

She never made it to the ball

This one was Cinderella's cousin. She never made it to the ball and didn't meet prince charming. They don't talk about her very much.

Campground fun

This is what happens when a bunch of people stay in a country where you can't drink alcohol for too long... mohawks all round.

The cast of the Oasis Overland ballet

Okay, time to introduce the rag-tag cast and crew of this travelling yellow container.

1. Mary and Steve - Our US couple. They've have had the added joy of several countries not liking their country. They have become visa and bureaucratic olympians. If there were a medal for the red-tape high jump, they would take gold every time.

2. Claire - Sweet girl who hangs out with Laura a lot. She has the unfortuate honour of having hurt herself in every town we've been to. One of the funniest was when the gang plank of the felucca collapsed underneath her, dumping her in the Nile. Very funny, but unfortunately painful. We've stocked up on bandages now.

3. Stan - Kiwi softball coach. One of the funniest people I've ever met. He has a story, directly involving him, in almost any situation you care to imagine. Usually in New Zealand and usually involving poo. V-funny

4. Alan - Has travelled all over the world in the last three years. Is tagged as the man who likes his luxuries a little. This is rather convenient as I can say he needs a latte in the morning and then make myself one after he has taken some heat for liking the good life. Sound bloke.

5. Laura - Aussie girl. Hangs out with Claire and Calum. Very funny, but not always intentionally so? Occassionally will get excited by someone's comment like "I can't fit my hand into this glove" and she would say something like "Yeah, I hate it when it is too big. I just use vaseline and it slides right in", much to the amusement of all us smut smirkers.

6. Katherine - The girl with the tome of a trip diary. We are all very curious as to what could possibly be recorded in there. This calls for a midnight raid I think.

7. Olya - Runs to her own time schedule, which seems to be reminiscent of communist era railways (or modern era British railways for that matter). Holds the record for receiving most free things from Egyptian traders. This might be due to the power of her flat exposed midriff. She can also bargain harder than anyone in the truck. Some traders have sat there confused as she walks away with half their stall for as little as five pence.

8. Brian - He has been my room mate with Stan for a lot of the trip. Brian is an ace guy. He has a special hidden blog with comments on all of truck people that I have been trying to find. I hope I rate highly.

9. Barry, Keith and Steve - The three Irish boys. Barry tips the charts with the funniest comment on all of the trip. Someone said "playing the bongos is like riding a bike" to which he replied "you just swing your leg over and start peddling". Keith refers to himself as a strawberry blonde. He helped chisel rock in the desert to clear the truck which was very impressive. Steve loves New Zealand which is cool. He is going to work in a mountain bike shop there. Awesome.

10. Gavin - I only found out that he was eighteen yesterday. He is a very interesting guy, very passionate and will do amazingly well. He also holds the record for the most souvenirs purchased (actually all of them). He raised Egypt's GDP singlehandedly.

11. Rich - Master of deadpan delivery of funny lines.

12. Calum - Hangs out with Laura. He is the best at roughing it due to his Scottish training. He also gets in amongst the locals and isn't afraid to mix it up. At eighteen, he does very well to be so at ease.

13. Gary and Alison, Duncan and Robin - Two recently married couples from Manchester. Very nice people. They have a tendency to be grouped together by people like myself but are each very cool in their own right. Duncan wants to raise Alpacas in New Zealand! Cool.

14. Gunter - The oldest on the trip and he puts us all to shame! This man, nicknamed the German ninja, goes out independently on tour missions all of the time. He is ace. He has travelled all over the world and a couple of years ago went to the everest base camp. Did I mention he is sixty five!

15. David - In the same boat as me, he has a girlfriend back in Ireland. She might head to South America soon and he might go meet her there. Go get her Dave!

16. Bear - Nicknamed the grizzly (just kidding), she is very sure of her ideas. She is a wonderful cook and we all vie to invite her to help us cook.

17. Debbie - A big time accountant in the movie industry. She last did "The Davinci Code". I haven't actually had the chance to speak to her much so will have to fill this space once I've found out her cool aspects.

That's the cast, let the personality and interaction crescendo begin!

Lips

Shredded lips anyone?

I won't be kissing anyone with these things. The desert took them apart. It hurts to smile.

Through the Nubian desert

We spent three days crossing the Nubian desert to get to Khartoum. The truck would get stuck in sand and we would all have to get out, dig out the tyres and lay down the sand mats to get the truck out. The words "sand mats" conjures up images of nice flax mats you put down for the tyres. No. These each weigh about twenty kilograms and are made of steel. After six hours of sand matting, moving only a kilometre in the desert, I can assure you they start to feel very heavy.

At one point we even had to chisel out a channel in some rock to allow the diff to get through. It was quite an impressive feat.

Interesting facts I found out while in the middle of the desert with the truck hopelessly jammed in sand:
1. Neither our tour helper nor our driver/mechanic had been to Sudan before.
2. Oasis Overland has never been through the Nubian desert before
3. We don't carry a Satellite phone, so if we get stuck, it is up to us.

Strangely this was quite liberating. It felt a little adventerous which I miss being on a group tour thing. There is no one responsible but yourself and it is up to you. A good feeling.

Welcome to Wadi Halfa

Finally we get to Sudan. This place is awesome. No more tar sealed roads, just sand. Welcome to the desert life again. We made it through the Western desert (too easy, had sealed roads). Now for the Nubian desert (proper style with nothing but sand).

Sudan is said to be the least visited country in all of Africa. The ferry only goes once a week and the sum total of tourists were:
1. Our oasis truck
2. Five Swedes doing an awesome trip from Sweden to Kenya in two specially modified land rovers.
3. Two Germans in a specially modified land rover.
4. A lone traveller guy with a beard and a family back in Europe. Hard core travelling on his own using the public transport. Respect!

That is it. No more tourists from the Egyptian side for a week. We are pretty much it. This place is awesome.

Lake Nasser Ferry

Woohaa! This is the Africa I was expecting. We took the lake Nasser ferry from Aswan, Egypt to Wadi Halfa, Sudan. Trucks turned up with goods piled three times their height, people threw bags through port holes. and the ferry was oversubscribed with people twice as many as the designed limit (the Captain told us this with no hint of shame or irony).

We all had to sleep on deck, well, the lucky ones at least. You couldn't move for bodies. Sixteen hours of pure entertainment.

Four guys tried to steal our bags on the sly but got scared away when they realised that Gavin and I were still awake at four in the morning and silently watching them in the dark.





The facilities:

This ferry signalled in a new low in hygiene. I've been through all sorts of shit holes around the world; I've shared a room with a rat that ate half my soap (bastard), shat in squats while little kids watched through the bamboo, had cockcroaches crawl over my face, but this ferry broke the shit mould.

People went to the toilets and came back waving their arms saying, "don't, whatever you do, don't go there. You need shoes, not flip-flops!". Heh. Harden up. So, off I went. Ha. Shit everywhere. Water/piss/dirt/sand/crap floating two inches high in the room. It slopped over my flip-flops and washed around my feet. A whole new low.

This is what I was expecting, so can't complain there. In a saying with no pun intended, "I live for this shit".

First casualty of travelling

The first casualty of travelling is always the innocent. These flip-flops took one for the team. RIP little buddies.

My Nicci

Not very manly to say it but... I ache for Nicci. Wish she was here with me. Roll on Cape Town.

Mistranslations

Check out the sign above trying to tell you not to put toilet paper in the toilet.

The other two notable mistranslations that we've seen so far are:
1. "Shredded Dolphin" (on a tin of tuna... we think)
2. "Chicken with herpes" (on a restaurant menu... we didn't eat there)

I bet I sound like that when I speak spanish.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Well, I've succumbed. After all the "socks and sandals" discoveries I've made during this trip, I have been treated with kindness by some of the wee beasties themselves.

I have been given the kind gift of some toe socks by the lovely couple "Steve and Mary" on the truck who have been kind enough to display the many and varied "sock and sandals" combos you have seen in this blog. Thanks guys!

Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em I say. And yes, I have worn them with pride for the last few days.

Aswan

I'm in Aswan and have been laid out in bed for 36 hours sick. That's how it goes. I have a few more of these coming as we go through into darker Africa.

Everyone on the truck carries special intestinal drugs called Antinal. I had the pleasure of taking one of these this morning. It is kind of like putting a small bomb in your belly that kills everything.

I guess swimming in the Nile wasn't such a good idea after all. heh.

feluccas

We hired a couple of feluccas and cruised down the Nile for a couple of days. Was supremely relaxing.

When "socks and sandals" go bad

Oh my God. What dark humour nature has. This strange beast appeared at our camp one night. I shudder at the sight of it. The humanity!